Girl Code

I first learned about Girl Code years ago, age 9 from watching Lizzie Maguire. It's an episode where Lizzie upsets her friend but can't understand why. As it turns out Lizzie hasn't remembered Girl Code, the list logged in the back of every girls mind to act as a guide on how to act towards other girls. By the end, Lizzie's mental cartoon avatar finds the "girl code file" logged in her mental filing cabinet and all is well.
If you haven't heard of girl code and happen to be a girl, you probably still know what it means, you just might not have had a name for it, or simply recognized it as your personal moral compass. Which generally speaking, it is. However, girl code specifically relates to your (and every other girls) morals in terms of our sisterhood as females, and how our actions could affect the rest of us.
I don't know if men have a similar code of conduct, I'm sure everyone regardless of gender has some sort of moral compass, but I have no idea if men have any kind of collective brotherhood rules which prevent them from acting in a certain way, in certain situations. Mostly because, well..... I'm not a man. I was in a long term relationship with one once, and asked him if there was such thing as a boy code, like we have girl code. His only idea of a code seemed to relate to rivalry, in that you'd always be ready to take a punch in a fight if it meant sticking up for your friends. We've all heard the term "bros before hoes".
Girl code is important, girl code is everything that brings women together, girl code is girl power, it's feminism, it's best friendship, it's women's rights. Girl code is the collective love a woman has for every other woman on the planet purely on the basis that we share something very important. No, not a vag and titties, what we share is a biology that allows us to carry life and eons of history oppressed by the male of our own species.

So here are the rules, some of them, you may disagree with but here are what the rules are in my experience:
Your friends, always come before your relationships. It's our bros before hoes. Your girl friends were there before your boyfriend, and will be there, long after you break up. A decent man will accept your friends and never come between you. You may not cancel plans with your girls to hang out with your boyfriend.
You may not speak ill of a friends boyfriend. Yes, we all know he's a total cockend, and that she could have anyone she wanted if she only knew how pretty she was and got some confidence. He's so rude, and he's not even that good looking, he is a total pig. But you can't say that, that's her man, and she has made a decision to be with him. All you are permitted to do is agree when she eventually realizes this herself. Then you may jump on the wagon and start planning nights out for when she's a single chicken again!
Exes are off limits. Apart from extreme/rare circumstances, ex boyfriends of your friends are completely off limits. Why would you want to date them anyway? He was monumental fuckwad while he was with your friend, what makes you think he'd be any different with you? Dating your friends ex (or your sisters ex.... or moms ex?) creates a sense of uncertainty and distrust between you. Did you always fancy him? How can you see past what he did to her? What if she still  has feeling for him? What if he's only with you to get back at her? It's a whole entire can of worms you don't want to open. To avoid becoming eskimo sisters with your gal pals it best to think of the men in their lives as girls. i.e. non sexual beings as far as you are concerned. Anyway, it's not like there in't plenty of fella's to go around. Broaden your horizons. Like Rihanna says "always rainin' men grrl whatcha worry 'bout?"
Homewrecking! So I guess part of girl code would be that you don't go after guys who are in relationships. If you meet a guy you like and find out he has a girlfriend/spouse, you do not pursue him. All very simple. But we all know that this can be a lot easier said than done. After all, if someone is acting single, they must be right? If they're willing to cheat on their partners with you, the relationship is as good as over, it's their problem, not yours. It's not your job to save their relationship right? The truth is.... You don't owe anything to anyone, no one else happiness is your responsibility. But think about it, can you live with yourself? Do you really want to be a side dish? Why don't you just change your name to garlic bread while you're at it? My advice? You deserve better. You deserve to mean everything to someone, to be their one and only, to have their undivided attention. Being someone's affair, really isn't flattering. 

In terms if girl code, I wish I could say my record is clean, but unfortunately it isn't. I like everyone else have been young and stupid, and then there were other times where I was just plain selfish. Despite the fact that other girls have pulled some real shitty moves on me in the past, and knew how it felt to be betrayed like that, it still didn't stop me doing the same. I justified it, by any means. I was having a horrible time of it, and I needed some attention, and that was my excuse. I thought, "well, it's not like I'm doing any damage" "I don't owe anyone anything", and I was angry at everything at the time. But that would never give me any right to do what I was doing. Not knowing how it felt to have someone do it to me. In fairness, the men were the true ones at fault in both cases, but I feel it's important we take our side of the blame too. After all, it takes two to tango. 

I think in the end, all Girl code really is, is how you would feel if what you are doing, was happening to you? I know this is a generalisation, we all know to treat people how we want to be treated. It's just all the more important for women and girls, because for crying out loud, we have GOT to have each others backs in a mans world, still so rife with hatred and violence. I'm not asking you to stand in front of a mirror with your hand on your vagina and shout " I AM A FEMINIST" (by all means do that I positively encourage it) but for the love of all things pink just be nice to each other. 

Paint Your Target

I wanted to be yours. I wanted you to be mine. I wanted to tell you everything and to ask you everything. I wanted to be the person who knew the most about you, and I wanted you to be the person who knew the most about me. I wanted to the person you could always rely on and always call. I wanted to always be there for you even if no one else was. I wanted to make you laugh. I wanted us to make each other laugh. I wanted to be your protector, your shelter and your rock. I wanted to take care of you and be brave for you. I wanted to take all of those pieces about yourself that you thought were broken and ruined and fucked up and make them shiny and beautiful for you so that you never see those parts of you in a negative way again. I wanted to be your equal but also your sidekick. I wanted to always stand at your side, and even when you push me away, be patient and always still be there. I wanted to love you so fiercely and so strongly that no matter what you always knew you would have someone there for you. I wanted to spend my time trying to make you see yourself in the wonderful way I see you so that you never had to feel like you were worth less than what you are. So that you could believe you could do anything because I believe in you so much. I wanted to make you so happy you forgot all about your sadness and your pain. I wanted to do all this because I've known pain and I've known sadness and all this is what I needed. I needed to be loved enough to put all my broken pieces back together to make something better. I needed a protector and a shelter, despite how strong demeanour and hard shell. I needed you to be patient and to be there for me.

You tossed me aside life garbage, and treated my heart like it was nothing. You made me believe you could be all that I wanted but instead you broke me further. Not once, but twice. You don't deserve my loyalty, you don't deserve my friendship, you were cowardly, you were selfish, you were mean. You threw everything back in my face and made me think I had done wrong.  You lead me along and you wasted my time.

You can burn it all,
Rally around the table if you want to,
Just to argue out the last scenes of us,
You can end it all,
I'm sorry enough to tell you that I'm okay and I'm never gonna see you again.

Happy New Year

Unlike most I did not spend my New Years Eve partying in an alcohol induced haze. I wish that I could say I was busy doing something much more interesting but that's simply not the case. I spent New Years Eve going to watch a film at the cinema, I took the dog to the beach then I got home in time to change into my pyjamas and watch the fireworks from my window, living the dream!
Last year was a mixed bag, we spent last Christmas in hospital because my mum had a stroke and was very sick, but she got better. I met someone and fell in love for the first time in years, and despite the fact that it didn't work out and it broke my heart, at least this time I know that I CAN fall in love again and that hearts DO heal. I thought I was losing my job this year when we lost our contract but then I was transferred over to a new contractor and got promoted. It's been a rough year mostly, and I can't wait for the new start.
This year, I'm going on an all out war against my acne, I've already had my implant removed in an effort to remove any extra hormones from my body. I'll be avoiding any cosmetics heavy on man made chemicals and trying to use my delicate, natural substances on my skin. My doctor has already recommended I try using sunbeds to see if that makes any difference. Whatever happens I am getting to the bottom of this ridiculous skin problem.
Losing weight, I did well last year at the gym, I was quite quick to build up my fitness, I'm getting back on that asap. I put on a lot of extra weight while my mum was sick (late night Maccies a living off toast and vending machines does not help your figure) and so my absolute goal is to get comfortably back into my old clothes. I'm hoping the removal of my implant my help towards this also.
Another side bar I want to work on is instead of watching tv all the time I want to spend more time blogging and also I found my brothers old base guitar in the attic and I want to have a crack at learning it. And also get back into practice with my own guitar.
There's quite a lot I would like to do this year and even more that I have to do this year so here they are:

MUST DO:

Start a saving account for a house. The promotion means I'll have more money to put aside for a mortgage and I desperately want to get on the property ladder which is horrendously difficult when you're single.

Go back to college. I think I know what I want to do, and I've been scared to go for it, through fear of it turning out like the cake decorating(I.e. I stopped enjoying it as soon as I had to do it for someone else) and so I was avoiding it. But then I though this is something that's part of my life anyway so how could I ever get bored of it. So.... I found an evening make up course I can do around work and I'll be starting this year. Of course, it doesn't actually start til October so that gives me plenty of time to practice.

Plan next New Year - because of all the contract changes with work, I wasn't able to plan anything or book any holidays because I didn't know for sure that I'd be in the job. I used up my remaining annual leave having a splendid 2 weeks off and I can safely say the lack of plans has meant I've had a lovely relaxed time and now can't wait to get busy next year. I do love to be busy. But spending New Year in bed watching t.v. is just about the most depressing thing ever so next year, I want to have plans.

AIMS

TRAVEL!!! - I want to do as much of this as possible, but I'm hoping to get to Poland this year. Seriously considering a soul searching lone backpacker holiday too.

FESTIVALS!!! - My friends and I have decided we're going to try to get to Glastonbury this year. And while we're at it, we may as well apply for big weekend too and maybe have a day trip to Reading/Leeds again.

Move Out - my God, I need space. I've looked at some house shares that wouldn't cost much more than my housekeeping but would mean I have more bedroom space. It would be great to not have to clamber over my bed just to make it.

I have no gig tickets for this year yet but I'd very much like this year to be chock full of gigs, comic cons, events, theme park days and please God the Harry Potter tour!!
In all I'm very exited to get started knowing that I have my steady job and knowing I can actually make plans this year. Last year was a bit if a bust for plans. Non of this new year, New me shit, I am just genuinely exited to continue becoming who I am. Here's to my next adventures.

...

I have come to the realisation that I can't keep expecting a prince charming when I'm not fucking princess.

Oool

Judith Kerr

I just fancied doing a bit of a fun blog post, and share one of my favorite people.

This is Judith Kerr, and while you might not recognize her face, you might recognize the characters she is famous for creating. Mog the forgetful cat was recently bought back to life in this years Christmas advert for Sainsbury's. Mog was the basis for a series of childrens books which were part of my own childhood. She also wrote the Tiger Who Came to Tea, which was a favorite in my house as well as many others I'm sure. I could totally nerd over how much I used to love her books when I was little, and I will always appreciate that it was her words that my mum used to read to me to make me fall asleep, but she is so much more than that. 

Judith Kerr is the most amazing person, she was born into a Jewish family in Berlin in 1923, she spent, a great deal of her childhood, moving around, living in hotels with her only worldly possessions in the suitcase she carried while her family fled the Nazi's. She went to 11 different schools before her family eventually ended up in England where she still lives today. What I love about her is her outlook on everything, her endless positivity and wisdom. She would have loved to have a terrible childhood, because all great writers have had bad childhoods and that's how they write so well. But despite everything, she doesn't say she had a bad childhood, to her, her family was together, always, and that was all that mattered. 

Even now, she is an elderly lady and her husband passed away in 2006. She has spent her most recent years writing like crazy and says that it has been the saving of her, because she has had nothing else to do. 

She was the subject of a BBC documentary a couple of years ago which is when I fell in love with her. It was called "Hitler the Tiger and Me" and I knew it had something to do with the Tiger who Came to Tea and that is all that peaked my interest. Towards the end of the documentary, she is visiting GEIS 17 a train station where thousands of Jews were taken to board trains that would take them to concentration camps. Judiths family, were extremely lucky and were warned with enough time to escape to Switzerland before Hitler came into power, they reached Zurich the day the Nazi's went to their house in Berlin for their passports. She comments on how her happy life, she has been able to live, has all been down to that warning, and her father making the decision to leave when he did. She looks at the memorial sculptures and says "the way you feel now, we owe it to them, to make something of our lives". Something I found so profound. The idea that if you are lucky enough to have lived, where others haven't been so lucky, you owe it to them to do something with your life. I think of everything that is going on in the world right now, babies being washed up in beaches because their parents are fleeing war torn countries, people in Africa, just getting over the ebola crisis again, and just yesterday the terrorist attacks in Paris. These people have lost their lives because of situations that are out of their control, wars that they didn't create, diseases that they can't fight alone. 

I have non of their problems, I owe it to all of them to do something with my life, to not give up, to keep running, to keep speaking out, to not be afraid to fight, and to make the most of the opportunity that could just as easily be taken from me.

Mog the Forgetful Cat 

Mog is the star of her own book series which in recent years came to end when Mog dies of old age in a book called "Goodbye Mog". Some might disagree that mortality is something that should be in a children's book, I personally think that it's necessary and it makes me love Judith all the more for doing it in the way she has. Mog has however been given a new life in Sainsbury's Christmas Advert for 2015. And I love it!

This book made me want to have a pet tiger, and I always looked in the Supermarket for tins of Tiger food. Apparently Judith wrote this to be a metaphor for the Gestapo coming into her life without warning and messing everything up. Powerful stuff for a kids book!

I strongly recommend her as an author, obviously if you have young kids then brilliant, but she has also written some semi biographical novels which are a brilliant read, again so profound and hopeful in time where so many had no hope at all. 

Derogatory Comments in the Workplace. - SOME SEXISM AT ME!!

I recently started working for a new company, I have the same job as I had before but a new contractor has taken over the work and so a handful of staff were transferred over, to their new office. The company itself, while being new to this particular contract, has been in business for some years, with various fingers in various other pies and so is fairly well established.
On my first day. I was sent for a Health and Safety seminar, in Manchester. Out of the five staff members being taken, and who were there with me that day, I happened to be the only female. I'm used to this. At the previous company, I was one of only 3 women in a sector of around 50 people, and it had never been something that was ever bought to my attention, we were all just 'the staff'.
For the safety seminar, our new Health and Safety manager bought us all into the boardroom for our standard policy PowerPoint presentation about the rules. We all knew what to expect, like all safety meetings this would be a 40 minute speech telling us how to not be idiots, which we all already knew, but we understand the procedure. Our Health and Safety manager started his presentation, and had given us a run down of the company history and core beliefs and was just going into office safety and employee responsibility. It was at this point that it happened.......
HSM was telling us all about how it's "down to employees to take responsibility for safety" and how "your actions can effect others around you, so it's important to think about that". He went on to say "for example if you're in the office with your tools and you put your tools in on the floor...." at which point he looked directly at me, the only woman in the room, and said "........ Or you're shopping".
.............................................
And it didn't end there, oh no no no. This guy was determined. He then went on to discuss "proper footwear", you might have expected him to discuss the importance of steel toe caps if going on site, or closed toe shoes to protect feet should anything fall on them. Oh no, this guy took a good look at my trusty brown brogues and said, "nice to see you've got a decent pair of shoes on you there love, (LOVE?)most of the others (other what? Humans?) like to walk around in silly high heels all the time and they wonder why they fall over!". Oh HA HA HA HA HA! Yes! Us women, we are relentlessly stupid fucks aren't we, it's hilarious!

Not long after this, he was required to take our ID photographs, and of course, ladies first. I walked over to the blank piece of wall where the photo could be taken, stood up straight, trying, after the previous comments, to not make any fuss or draw more attention to myself. I hoped he would just take the photo so I could sit back down, but to this particular gentleman, the fact that I was a woman, just needed to be commented on as if it where some stupendous irregularity, as if I were famous or royal. I got the impression that he just couldn't get over it. Before raising the camera, he asked me if i were sure I didn't want to check my make up, because most women like to check their hair and things. 

The whole scenario really put me on edge. Particularly as it was the first day in the new company, it made me very worried that this would be an ongoing problem, thankfully, this wasn't the case. I don't think this is the first time this has happened to me, but this is certainly the most uncomfortable I've ever been made to feel about being a woman. I felt like this man, had to make me aware that I was the only one there who was female, as if it were some obscenely ridiculous thing to be. I can't tell you how I reacted, I think I must have just looked shocked, because that's how I felt. He kept repeating "oh I'm not trying to be stereotypical (meaning he wasn't stereotyping me)" so I obviously didn't react in a way that he was used to. It made me really disheartened to know that he has probably been like this with other women in this company and that they had probably just laughed it off, disregarded it banter when they should have given him the same unimpressed frown I gave him for being so discriminating. I felt like my colleagues were suddenly looking at me in a different way, like my gender had previously gone unnoticed because I was one of them, and now this person had told them the big secret so they all knew I was different, that I was excluded. I realized that this is the first time I'd ever been made to feel like a minority, and I suddenly felt a rush of sympathy for anyone has ever been the odd one out. 

In a day and age where everyone has gone crazy with political correctness, and equality in the workplace, I didn't expect to come across this type of old fashioned attitude. I can only think that this can only be allowed to happen if people accept it. Since this incident, I've seen this mad around the office a number of times and he avoids eye contact with me. Maybe he's like that with all women, lord knows, he certainly doesn't know how to react to them, but maybe it's because I am by far the youngest woman in the company, and possibly the first to show an utter contempt for his barefaced sexism. I would encourage others, not to laugh it off. Don't make out that it's okay, let these people know that it isn't! I don't want to come across as a bitch anymore than anyone does. I don't want people to think I can't take a joke, I can, if it IS a joke. But I would rather that these small minded, bid mouthed people who have outdated opinions think I have a rod up my arse than have them think I'm going to bend over spread my legs and take this bollocks! 

Yes I am a woman, yes I work is an industry that is highly populated my men, and yes I burp out loud and tell disgusting jokes and banter with my work colleagues, but that doesn't make me 'one of the lads'. I wear dresses and skirts and lipstick, just as often as I wear trousers and brogues, because I like clothes, and because weather changes. I work bloody hard at my job....... most of the time, and I am important, people need me to turn up every day, and it pisses me off that I am made to feel like my job isn't worth doing if it's something that's so unimportant they gave it to a woman to do. It's not cool and I don't accept, no one should. Rant over.